When Do We Stop Playing?
Somewhere between recess and adulthood, we misplaced something important.
The average adult spends roughly 1,700 hours a year on the job, according to OECD data. For many of us, work occupies more of our waking life than almost any other activity.
Given how much of our lives unfold within our working environments, I find it surprising how little attention we give to the quality of that experience. We talk about productivity, efficiency, performance, goals, growth, and outcomes. Yet one of the qualities that has the greatest ability to shape how people feel around one another rarely enters the conversation at all: playfulness.
Recently, I have been working with a client whose meetings have become one of the highlights of my week.Before we discuss timelines, deliverables, or project updates, we begin somewhere else entirely with questions like: “What brought you joy this week?”, “What made you laugh recently?”, and “What is something unexpectedly delightful that happened today?” The questions are simple, yet they change the entire tone of the conversation.
Instead of defaulting to “How are you?”—a question that often invites an automatic response—we are immediately invited into something more specific, more human, and more memorable. Within minutes, we are sharing stories, laughing, and discovering things about one another that would never emerge through a standard business agenda. Every time it happens, I leave wondering the same thing: When did playful curiosity become something we outgrew?
As children, curiosity was our default setting. We asked questions without worrying whether they were productive. We explored ideas without knowing where they would lead. We followed interests simply because they were interesting. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to associate seriousness with professionalism and playfulness with distraction. Yet the older I get, the more convinced I become that the opposite may be true.
Playfulness creates the conditions for trust, curiosity opens the door to connection, and laughter lowers our defenses. Together, they make room for the kinds of conversations that help people feel seen rather than simply managed. This feels particularly important right now. We are living through a moment when it is easy to become consumed by outrage, anxiety, and endless information. Staying informed and paying attention matters, but so does remembering that we have the ability to shape the atmosphere around us.
I believe every interaction contributes something. A conversation can leave a person feeling heavier or lighter, more disconnected or more connected, guarded or more open. Anger and fear tend to narrow our thinking, making us easier to predict. Creativity, curiosity, and playfulness expand our thinking, making room for new possibilities.
Perhaps the question is not whether play belongs in our workplaces, communities, and relationships. Maybe the better question is why we stopped making room for it. Because if we spend so much of our lives working, shouldn’t we be more intentional about creating environments where people can experience joy, wonder, and genuine connection alongside accomplishment?
THE GAP
The gap may be simpler than we think: it starts with how we choose to engage one another. Every day presents dozens of opportunities to create a different kind of interaction, beginning with a more curious question. Instead of asking someone how they are, we can all try asking:
What made you laugh recently?
What is something small that brought you joy this week?
What are you unexpectedly excited about right now?
What is something you’ve become curious about lately?
What is the most interesting thing you’ve learned this month?
Questions like these create openings, invite stories, and reveal the person behind the role, title, or responsibility. And maybe that is where playful curiosity has always done its best work—not in making life less serious, but in helping us remember that being human together matters just as much as being productive.
Stay Wild,
Adeline